There is no comfort in waiting at doctor’s offices. The relief comes after the check-up is done. And even then, it sometimes, does not yield good results. I agree when they said that hospital walls have heard the most prayers. I wonder, if the prayers had ink, would we be able to read all those petitions on the walls? Or would they appear like graffiti, with the prayers overlapping each other in urgency. I’ve sat in doctor’s offices so many times I lost count. Sometimes, I win the battle, while other times, I’m at a loss. Today, as I sit here waiting for my appointment, I splash a new petition on the wall praying that the odds will be in my favor. I’m sitting next to a girl who obviously hasn’t had an extensive experience of waiting at clinics. She was talking with someone on her phone and complaining that she has been waiting for an hour. As someone who has waited for far longer than that, I just couldn’t help but smile. We all make sacrifices. And if we wanted to be treated by the best, then we’ll have to wait in line like all the other patient adults. You can never know pain like the kind people with chronic illness feels. Even if they’re stable and in remission, there is still that gnawing apprehension of pain to come and you’re in constant panic. Once in a while you forget that you are sick. Sometimes, you find yourself alone, laughing at something that amused you, and you feel that perhaps, you could be happy after-all. It’s like you have convinced yourself of the possibility of silver linings. Then, there could be times when you could be surrounded with everyone you love and who loves you, yet feel very much alone. Spiritually, I try to think there’s a reason that this happened to me. I was born Catholic and I grew up believing that everything that happens to us is through our choices and of God’s plans for our lives. But sadly, try as I might, I can never fathom why something as horrible as this, was allowed by God to pass to my life. What good could come out of this? And if god was teaching me a lesson, haven’t I learned it yet? Why the endless obstacles? I wasn’t born with this condition and there is not a day that I don’t ponder on the will of God of why he allowed this to happen. There is always an obstacle. And when you’ve won a round, you may think that you’ve passed. But then the universe drops a bomb and another test comes along to challenge you. I see it as if I’m in a Mario Bros game and every conquer of a level, ups the ante for a much challenging task ahead. When will this stop? But there is never an answer. I sometimes feel that my prayers are just floating in the wide void of heaven waiting for ears to hear them out. Some of my prayers get heard, but the ones that REALLY matter, are left unanswered. I’ve always wondered why that is. I don’t mean to be righteous but my prayers are not selfish. I don’t pray for winning lottery numbers or getting big bucks. I have simple specific prayers for me and my family. I don’t mean to compare but there are others who have far more sins than I do but they’re ‘blessed’ with good health, a good job, traveling opportunities, relationships…. I could go on and on but that would only make me feel bitter.
a day in the life 